Sonny

When Paul and I were in college we went to his cousins and picked a little chocolate lab puppy. Paul was living off campus in a hundred year old shot gun house at the time. When he got the puppy he took him outside every 2-3 hours to potty train him. I knew then he would make a great dad. We had that dog when we got married, all through med school, during our move to Chattanooga, for the birth of both our children. Then, when W was about 3 the dog died of old age. We were all devastated. We went years with no dog. It was just too painful. After having a big strong Chocolate lab who loved the water and lived outside I was ready for a new dog. A small dog. So the summer of 2013 we took the kids to Disney World but that wasn't the big surprise. On the drive home we swung by Knoxville and picked up Sonny!

This was the picture we had of him when we saw him online for the first time! He is a black and white Havanese puppy.

This is going to be a ridiculously devoted blog to why this dog is the best dog in the universe! My Sonny.

He is the most comforting animal. It has to do with his fur. It is the softest thing. Picture human hair that feels like an expensive cashmere sweater! Well he's even softer! Anytime I have had surgery, or am sick, or feeling in the dumps he doesn't leave my side. He stays around on cuddle watch.

His bad hair days are a sight. They are really something to see!

He has the fluffiest paws. They're like fuzzy slippers.

Sonny loves my M. He lets her treat him just like a baby.

As a puppy he potty trained right away using crate training and a cow bell. He still rings his bell whenever he wants to go out. He never has an accident in the house even if he is home alone all day.

He puts away his toys...sometimes!

He looks like a puppy everytime he gets a haircut.

He loves to be close to me....all the time!

He's very photogenic.

He loves books as much as I do.

He's always game to go for doughnuts.

He sneaks kisses whenever he can.

He knows how to accessorize.

He's good for school projects.

He plays dead.

He makes me healthy because he loves to take walks. Long walks.

He grows his own winter coat and -It's SOO FLUFFY!

He's super easy to groom. Wash, dry, release for him to go crazy.

He loves dressing up for Halloween.

And Christmas.

He makes a great napping buddy.

He likes my journals as much as I do.

He's a perfect companion through all seasons.

He'll play fetch all day long!

He loves to travel.

Very rarely does he get the blues...it's usually when he can't go somewhere with us.

He appreciates natural light. You often find him basking in the sun somewhere.

The Self Righteous Rocking Chair

I feel like I am coming home by blogging today! It has been way too long! I fell into the rabbit hole of teaching for 5 months. It was exhausting, exhilarating, rewarding, did I mention exhausting? Teaching is a time consuming thing. When I am teaching I go to sleep thinking about field trips, lesson plans, the next days' activities. It's why I love it and why I quit all at the same time! I didn't sketch, blog, cook, CLEAN! But here I am in the heavenly spot of summer-Relaxing, NOT! I'm packing, painting, reorganizing, basically getting ready to move houses the next two days. Our 5th house in 5 years! Lucky number 5. Anyway, I am sure I will be blogging about moving soon, but not today. Today I am blogging about this rocking chair and desk....

Oh and the Duggars, and sin, and our Lord Jesus Christ!

Since we are moving I have a renewed motivation to decorate which since we are being frugal still means repurposing the old so it is "like" new!

The new house is a red brick and has black shutters with a porch so narrow that I have decided surely I can squeeze a couple of rockers on there if I slant them a little diagonally. (I have a deep love for porches and rocking chairs as I am from Louisiana).

Luckily, I had two old white dingy rockers from when we lived in the cabin stored in the garage that were ready to paint black. I got my supplies, my paint, and started my painting. I also decided that I would take M's hideous black desk that does not match her room and paint it a mint green to match her room. And as Annie Sloan says if I use chalk paint I can paint it without any prep work! Unfortunately, I chose the cheaper off brand of chalk paint from Lowes....but more on that later.

Have you ever painted a white rocker black?? The kids and I sanded it and wiped it down. Then I began painting it. Meanwhile Mary began painting her desk. At first it looked a lot like this...

Doesn't that look sweet! A summer activity. But soon there was paint everywhere, I was vowing to never let them paint again, and I was a basket case and kicked the kids out to shower while I painted in peace. And then the finished results!

Then this morning I came outside to put another coat on the rocking chairs. We will discuss the mint chalk painted desk later. The reason I ask, Have you painted a rocking chair, is because there are a lot of slats and slits and round curvy edges....it's a task. As I was on the phone with my mom last night after two coats, she said, "Oh! You should have spray painted it!" In hindsight I would have to agree. Anyhoo! This morning as I am touching up the rocker that has two coats of black on it, I keep finding white spots here and there. As a matter of fact every time I change my angle or perspective I find places that I have missed. Even after the 5th coat! If I got low I would gasp at a whole area I completely left off. And you know me....that made me start pondering my life. Isn't there always an area we can improve upon? Make better? No matter how many coats of shiny outdoor black paint, aren't there always the unfinished white spots?

I guess this is so true for me, and I know that so well that this is why I am against Christian judgmental notions.....altogether. Which brings me to the Duggars.

I have no comment. I feel it is none of my business. I feel badly that the nation thought they were perfect. To be a Christian and to be seen as self righteous and perfect is the worst thing that can happen to a Christian. Because the moment our sins are exposed non believers and believers think it was a lie-all of it. Even Christ. But that's not it at all. Christ loves us sins and all.

The main prayer I have for my own spiritual life is that I will never feel self righteous enough that I walk around playing God and judging others for their sins. It reminds me of John 8 when the woman was brought before Jesus to be stoned. Jesus knelt and wrote in the sand and slowly all dropped their stones one by one and left. Was he writing the accusers' sins? We don't know.

If our sins were blasted for all to see would we be focussing on others'?

We are all human. We are all sinners. We all have a past or issues. The world is full of abuse, addictions, depression, and hurtful sins. The best part of that story is that God loves us anyway through it all, and we don't have to be self righteous..... no deed or long list of rules will make us righteous. I suppose this is why I'm not against a lot of things. I don't care what church you go to if any at all. I don't care what bathing suit you wear. I'm not going to proclaim you are mentally ill if you take a selfie (that's so ridiculous) I'm not against a "certain" group of people. Jesus was ALL about loving others. Christians now a days would gasp at who He associated with. No action you do or don't do can make you righteous enough to save yourself.

But only through Jesus Christ-

John 3:16

For God so loved the world that he gave his only son. Who so ever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life!

We are at the mercy and grace of Jesus. We cannot make ourselves whole or new. But He can. There will always be a need for another high glossy coat of paint. We will never be finished. Yet He loves us anyway and saves us anyway.

Back to the rocking chair and the desk. So the rockers turned out great. But I am not like the rocking chair at all- I am certainly more like this desk than the rocker figuratively because despite my efforts... the lovely Mint green desk looked like this this morning-

A total and complete mess!!

Apparently, the decision not to sand, or to paint on a rainy day, or to let it dry in a humid closed garage wasn't the best idea! And apparently I'm not the do it yourselfer I would love to be! But I know that won't stop me.

Here's to NOT being perfect and God loving us anyway. That's the REAL story of Jesus! Ps. It's the real story of marriage as well! It's not happily ever after. It's loving each other through a whole lot of faults and hard times and hoping for some good ones in between.

Hope

Today was a rough day. A tiring day. A stressed out day.

I had tutoring after work. I drove with my kids to the middle school and went into T's last class of the day to get him for tutoring, and he was with Mr. C.

Mr. C is a good teacher. He is young. And he is one of the few teachers at T's school that tells me what they are doing so I can work on it with T.

Today Mr. C said T has a project. Poetry. Figurative Language. I was like, Great! This is RIGHT up my ally.

T was to research a poem by Emily Dickinson and tell the main idea of the poem and what figurative language is in it.

I was going to wait until Wednesday and bring T M's Emily Dickinson complete book of poems she got for Christmas, but T said, "We can just look it up on the computer!"

He was ready to start the project. He was READY to START the project!

We did.

This was the very first poem to pop up.
I asked if he wanted to use it for the project and he did so I printed it out in the library.




“Hope” is the thing with feathers - (314)
BY EMILY DICKINSON



“Hope” is the thing with feathers -
That perches in the soul -
And sings the tune without the words -
And never stops - at all -

And sweetest - in the Gale - is heard -
And sore must be the storm -
That could abash the little Bird
That kept so many warm -

I’ve heard it in the chillest land -
And on the strangest Sea -
Yet - never - in Extremity,
It asked a crumb - of me.


We read it line by line dissecting the meaning. Of course right away we discovered the poem is a complete metaphor comparing hope to this figurative bird. A bird in our soul that sings the optimism of hope that weathers the storms, that brings us warmth on the coldest days in our lives, that never dies, that follows us and asks us for nothing.

He got it. Every. Single. Word. He read it several times out loud word for word beautifully.

He immediately pointed out the main idea. I asked him what the storm represented and he responded, "hard times." We talked about what abash the little bird meant-to kill our hope that lives in our soul that things will get better.

He practiced presenting it describing the metaphors, the personification, the symbolism. We discussed the word soul. We talked about how he lives in a body, has a mind, but he IS a soul. He got it. He was pensive.

I described the visual of little birds begging for bread crumbs. I don't know if he really made a connection to that but a really funny thing happened.

After the poem we all-He, I, M and W went to Panera because he had never been, and I have like 4 Panera gift cards from teacher appreciation week, and there is just something to walking in Panera the very first time and seeing and smelling all that bread and the pastries.

On our drive there he ventured out to tell me something. He said from the seat behind me, "Mrs. Papillion?" I said, "yes?" He said, "I saw my dad." Now I know this is a big big deal. He hasn't seen him in 2 years and for 2 years I've had him shed many tears to me because he wants a father, he misses his father. He feels a gaping hole. I said, "Really?!" He said he saw him at his brother's birthday party and he didn't stay long. He left soon after but called and talked to T on the phone.

Hope.



We walked in Panera and we all made our choice. He chose a huge cinnamon roll, W a cheese pastry, M a cobblestone muffin, and me an orange scone. I ordered and we went outside on this cloudy 60 degree muggy warm day with our carbs.

As we got out there we sat at the outside tables and talked and ate our pastries.

Then the funny thing happened. It would be totally ordinary if we had not read and analyzed and discussed the Emily Dickinson poem.

Little frail birds flocked to us looking for crumbs. I had just discussed this scenario in the poem. Little birds begging for crumbs. Yet here they were. He was delighted in a solemn quiet serious way to feed the birds his cinnamon roll crumbs. We watched the tiny birds carrying huge crumbs away.

Hope, what warmth it gives and doesn't even ask a crumb of me.

Just earlier on this day I wondered what is MY purpose. I didn't know I would be teaching the meaning of this poem I myself have never even read to T. Hearing his story of his dad. Taking him to Panera for his first time to watch the birds from the poem carry crumbs away. None of that was planned. At least not by me.

But Hope.

The thing with feathers.

That perches in our soul-in who we are.

Sings a tune that doesn't even need words.

Doesn't fail.

That flies through storms so harsh so full of dark reality that could crush the little bird of hope...but doesn't.

The little bird of hope that warms our soul-who we are from the core.

In the coldest period of life.

In our strangest most lost moments.

And no matter what, never asks anything from us-not even a crumb. Well spoken Ms. Dickinson.

It is just a gift no strings attached- the little bird of hope.

When I dropped T off today I pray the little bird was with him. I took it home with me. I hope it is with my kids as they trail along beside me on this journey with T this year.

Earlier while I was tutoring T today one of my old students came in. She came to talk to me. We talked for a few minutes and she is now in the 7th grade. Then she said, "Mrs. P your birthday is on the 25th!"

This precious precious child who I have not had in my classroom for THREE years knows my birthday. It breaks my heart. To mean so much to them. As much as they have meant and still mean to me.

Hope.

Joy WIlliams - I Hate It When We Fight

They played this song at the end of church Sunday.  We have been in a series called XOXO Friends, Flings, and Relationship Things.  The last session was entitled Fighting Fair.  You can watch it on Crosspoint.tv

So this is the song they played at the end.  I had never heard it and man it is beautiful.  If you are married there will be these moments.

~S

Hair Clip Ins

Today was Monday and that means I got to tutor T. I haven't seen him in 2 weeks due to a week and a day of snow then last Wednesday all after school events were canceled due to....more snow! I called the school and let them know he needed to get on the bus due to weather warnings. He called my cell that evening and said, "Mrs. P......what happened?!?!"

I let him know there was snow in the forecast and sure enough he was out of school the next day.

That brings us to today. He was in the office about to call me when I arrived. The test he and I studied geometry for the last I saw him-well, he made a 90% I was so happy. I was so elated. I was so shocked!

So while we were reading the Hunger Games today I saw an old student in the library. I said, "Oh, that's J I had him a few years ago." T said, "I wonder if he remembers you?" So I wave big and say, "Hey J!" He looks confused so I say, "It's me Mrs. P"

He gets a surprised happy look on his face and runs over. I said, "What grade are you in now??" He said, "7th!" I said, "wow, it's been 3 years already!" He said, "Ya! I didn't recognize you with those hair clip ins!"

I said, "Oh....J....this is my real hair! It's just blonde now."

We talked some more and then he left. When he got out of sight I looked at T and we just died laughing. Died. Could not stop. I looked at T and said, "I swear this is my real hair!" Then we bursted out laughing again.

A little later we were reading the part of the book that describes Cinna and his gold eyeliner. I close my eyes and show T what eyeliner is. I said, "See I wear brown eyeliner." He leans in and really takes a look at it. Then he asks, "Mrs. P are your lashes real?!"

I erupt into laughter again. I say yes my lashes are real and I don't wear Hair clip ins!

It was a good day. We then went to the bank. to the gas station. Through the car wash. Then I took him home. He laughed and played on his phone exactly like my M and W did the whole time. He has grown incredibly close to my kids and his progress is beyond what I could have imagined.

It was a good tutoring day-clip in hair and all!

Bills (Clean Audio & Lyrics) by LunchMoney Lewis

This song came on in the car today at the very best moment.  My last two days have consisted of shelling out the cash- Spring Baseball?  $220.00, Volleyball camp? $340.00 5th grade field trip? $102.00 Church Camp? $140 Car needs gas? $50.00 Groceries? $200  Oh, You want to order this book from scholastic? $15.00 Need Lunch Money? $40.00  Little Boy's Birthday party? $250 All due....March.  Good bye paycheck.  Those Hunter rain boots were just a passing dream!  Cause I. Got. Bills!

Thank you LunchMoney Lewis.  Thank you.

Sarah

The Skunk

I am snowed in! Literally Day 3 of a snow day and off of work at home with my kids. This is the best thing for teacher moms! Even when I realized that my paycheck will be significantly smaller now due to a series of snow days. But I am still all for the snow day!

I had this experience a couple of weeks ago and when it happened it stopped me in my tracks as if I was being specifically spoken to by the Lord. Almost in an awakened startling way. In a good much needed way though.

It was Friday and a school day, and I hurriedly got the kids in the car around 6:30 AM. It was freezing cold maybe in the teens for the umpteenth day in a row, and we were on our way to school. I remember the week had flown by. Lots of work little of me even littler (I know that's not a word!) of me and my kids.

The usual things I did before working like studying all weekend with W on his spelling words so he knew them by Tuesday for his Friday test had gone by the wayside. I was frustrated. The times I did check W's folder I had found a few bad grades on things he could have had a 100% on had mom (me!) taken the time to help him.

I was starting to get....angry. Not at anyone in particular just angry.

It was still dark and we were leaving for school. After being in the car about 10 minutes I realized it was Friday and I had not studied one single time that week with my 7 year old. *Gulp* I asked W to pull out his word list and hand it to me while I was driving. I called out a few words and.... he misspelled them all. I started to feel all sorts of anxious and not just because of the misspelled words. Because of....everything. I felt like a mommy explosion (putting that nicely but it is in no way nice) was about to erupt any second. I was trying to stay calm. I called out another word...and he misspelled another word. That was it. I knew in the next millisecond it was all going to spew. I couldn't contain it any longer. It was like slow motion. I could see the disappointment in his little face in the rear view mirror. I could feel the yelling, nagging, tears, stress tsunami about to come right out of me. He knew it was going to come too so he turned his head and looked out the window.

That's when it happened. As the sun was coming up and during a beautiful cold sunrise-

W yelled in the most happy whimsical little boy voice- "A SKUNK!"

We were at a stop sign by this gorgeous piece of land along the railroad tracks that we pass every morning and afternoon. It is a brown rustic wooden cabin surrounded by 6 acres of gorgeous land for sale for $700,000 (we pass the billboard everyday twice a day). There is an old brown wooden fence surrounding the property, and we were sitting there at the stop sign nanoseconds before my eruption.

I turned my head and saw W looking in awe at the cutest fluffiest most alive skunk we had ever seen while riding in the car that was trotting across the 6 acres of open land. The skunk had a long way to go to get to the wooded area he was heading for so we all froze and watched him. I too felt mesmerized by his aliveness!

W commented, "I've never seen a skunk alive before!"

M was cooing, "awwwwww, he so cuuuuuute!"

And he was.

He was cute and very much alive.

He also was a much needed distraction to the small frustrations in my life that had my emotions all tangled in a big huge tangled mommy stress knot.

The wonder in my little boy's voice. The novelty of such an out of place piece of nature that froze us in our tracks in pure joy was much welcomed.

That adorable skunk gave me the time I needed so God could say clearly to me, "It's going to be ok. This is not a big deal. Take a deep breath."

That's exactly what I did. The rest of the way I did not blow up. When we crossed the railroad tracks a gorgeous sunrise was still in action, and I made sure I took time and pointed it out. I used my vast knowledge of phonemic awareness to help W with the words. Relating each one he didn't know in some way to one he did.

He made a 100% on his test.

A few days later I realized the day before the Valentine's party that my sign up genius I sent to all of the 2nd grade parents in W's class had not sent me any emails saying parents had signed up for the brunch items on it. I checked it the day before and.....it never posted! So with the help of two other moms we pulled together the brunch that evening. No big deal. The next morning I baked and left extra early. I got to school in plenty of time to decorate W's classroom for the party and unload food before my kids arrived for class. While enjoying all the decorating another teacher said my phone had been ringing in the hallway. It was Paul calling to tell me I had his keys....and mine. My kids were going to be in my room in 15 minutes, and it was a 25 min drive home. I looked at the clock and realized Paul was going to inevitably be late for W's Valentine Program and miss most of it. On the way home I almost cried. I was so stressed. Then I thought I saw something flurry on my windshield. It looked like a flower petal, but it was snow-it began to snow the moment I contemplated crying. It was so beautiful. It started pouring snow but not sticking to the ground. A beautiful distraction again just when I needed it. When I returned to class only about 30 minutes late there were Valentine's gifts all over my desk.

Fastforward to this week. I have been working for nearly two months now. I've survived volcano projects, conferences to meet parents, reading running records, a Valentine's party, a field trip, and teaching in general. I have enjoyed it, but it has not come without that old feeling of tension, stress, a need for coffee, chocolate, and Dr. Pepper.

My fuse has become shorter because the list in my brain is 1,000 times longer now when I'm at home. And right when I feel like I'm going to erupt....God sends me an ice storm! A much coveted snow day that turned into 2 then 3!!

It gave me the time I needed to sort out my own stress. To read. To play. To literally get myself together.

To be the mom I love to be.

It gave us a very unexpected renewal of our sense of wonder.

My kids asked if I was going somewhere today....because I took a shower! I said, "No, I'm just tired of stinking!" I actually took time to groom my eyebrows today because I had time...and it took scissors, no joke.

So all in all. This is it-God knows what we need and exactly the right moment WHEN we need it even when we don't. Even if it's a lone skunk trotting through an open field in the exact nanosecond a distraction is needed.

Even if it's a snow storm/wonderland:

Even if it's a 3 day time out :) Well....Make that a 4 day! I just got THE text-the no school tomorrow text!! It looks like I may even catch up on the laundry.

or snow!