Teacher

"Teacher" becomes a part of you.

It's not a job or role.

It's you.

Get two teachers together no matter if they are strangers to one another and they can talk for hours. They know. They know the dedication, the patience, the management it takes but most of all the love. This is what is breaking my heart about this tragedy in Connecticut. Not the hate and evil but the love. The love that those students have for each other as peers and friends and classmates. The love they have and trust for their teachers they see everyday all day. The love they have for their parents and siblings and the parents' love for them.

What breaks my heart is that someone was hurting so bad that he had to take all of that love and turn it to sorrow. So much talk about drills, guns, safety. I don't have any answers. I have spent the last two days trying not to think of my own class of children and not break down in tears. I've unintentionally found my mind wandering to all the "safe places" in our building-places with no windows and a lock on the door-the custodian closet, the faculty bathrooms, the computer closet, the kitchen in the cafeteria, the gym closet. Then I shake out of it and pray I will never face a moment as those teachers and staff did where they had to get to those safe places.

This morning as I hugged my own kindergartener I just cried thinking of his smallness. His innocence. How afraid those children and adults were. When I read the heroic stories of teachers, the principal, and custodian that saved lives, hid children, and then faced death, I know every teacher I have ever met would have done the same. No matter what their evaluation said or how long they have taught that's what we are trained to do-love and protect these children while they are entrusted to us. Head counts, blowing our whistle at recess if they get rough, practicing drills.

I will probably never react again to criticism of "the school system" or evaluations or the teaching profession because I know what every other teacher knows. We love these children and we would give it all to protect them. I know every teacher grieves today thinking of what happened. I would love nothing more than to enjoy my sweet children and husband today and call my loved ones who are far from me and try to get this story out of my head. I will be praying for this community each day for a very long time. Mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, cousins, grandparents, neighbors, teachers, office workers, the students in the entire school. So many were affected so many hurt in so many ways.