Monday, January 11, 2016

Your Purpose and Power

I was doing as I do most days and nights-driving my kids around town! We had just hit Target, and I was exhausted. It was nearing dinner time, and we were entering rush hour traffic. If you can imagine my Tahoe entering on the entrance ramp to the interstate behind a sea of red brake lights as far as I could see. So, I do as I do most days I take the inescapable environment of my car to talk to my kids. No screens, no phones, just us three with each other in very close proximity. The car. With no sarcasm whatsoever I truly mean this-the car is a sacred place for me and the kids. We get a lot of life lessons down together in that car and have for the last 8 years.

I start asking my middle schooler about her school day. I have a laundry list of events I ask about to pull info out of her-

Laundry List:

What did you eat for lunch?
Who did you sit with?
Did you have recess?
Who did you play with? (Mom, we don't "play")
Who did you recess with?
Do you have homework?
What was Chapel about?

You know you never know when one of the laundry list items will hopefully spark a moment where your middle school daughter will actually forget she's too cool and start an actual conversation.

Chapel-that was the jackpot. She smiles and giggles and starts telling me the speaker in Chapel that day had a very soothing, low monotone voice and that by the end everyone was in a sleep like trance.

So I ask, "Well, what was the topic?"

She said, "Finding Your Power and Purpose."

I said, "Wow, that's an important topic! Well, what is it?? How do you know your purpose?"

She said, "Mom I told you about the speaker's voice! I don't know! I was zoning out trying to stay awake."

I said, "Well of all topics that would have been a good one to pay attention to!" Secretly thinking how awesome it would be to know-to unlock the key-to finding our power and purpose in life by the end of the speech in chapel.

And that's when W piped in from the back seat. Really, I didn't realize he was paying a lick of attention to us when he said in the most calm, peaceful, confident, assuring, loving voice-

"The purpose of life mom, is to worship God."

It was so out of the blue and simple and unexpected, I was taken aback at his wisdom and confidence in his purpose as well as all of our purpose-Why we are here.

I said, "You are so right W."

Secretly, I couldn't have had anything else said to me to reassure me of all the decisions I have made for that boy. Because he got it. He truly got it. And didn't flinch. A little man leading the way spiritually right in our Tahoe.

I felt a jolt of peace and comfort with his explanation as though every heartache, every trial, every tribulation, every triumph is to teach me one thing-Serve God and worship Him through it all because THAT is my purpose. Nothing else matters. Not my job, my salary, my crowd I hang with, my house, my car, my clothes. None of it. It's serving and worshiping God.

Years ago when we lived in our little brick townhouse W was in pre-K and asked me (in the car) if super powers were real. I said I thought they were, and we were given the most powerful super power of all. Love.

So that's it.

It's that simple, no mystery. Our purpose is to worship God and our Power through Him is to love each other-the greatest commandment of all. Love God and Love others.

All the rest is fluff-job, house, pets, material things. Just fluff.

May you find peace and hope and joy and power in your purpose.

So below this bog post I shared the Chris Tomlin video Good Good Father. I encourage you to listen to it and rest assured-You were created with a Purpose and there is Power in that.

Happy Monday! I love you and even better God loves you!

Chris Tomlin - Good Good Father (Audio)

I heard this song today after chauffeuring my kids to school, and it brought my next blog to mind. This song makes life so simple.  It wraps it up.  It helps me to simplify my meaning of life.  My power is in Him.  It's what I told my son years ago was our super power-to love.  My purpose is in Him as my son reminded me the other night.  As I was thinking of the abstract and complicated meaning of life my sweet 8 year old boy said plain as day from he back seat of the car- Our purpose is to worship God, mom.  So secure in his knowledge of life it astounded me.  So click and enjoy!  May this post and shared video bring you clarity and love and help you see how easy and simple your purpose is and may it bring you power.  

Wednesday, January 6, 2016


A year ago I didn't know what that word meant-sesamoid, had never heard of it, and didn't know how this little bone measured in mm could stop me dead in my tracks for months. Post op boot tracks. Demerol green tracks.

Anyway, accidents happen, and as I was happy as summer can make me happy by the pool in August, I hit the ball of my foot on a raised jagged piece of concrete by my pool. It hurt. Make a mama say unintentional (versus the intentional) curse words hurt. But just like a stubbed toe I forgot about it and kept on keeping on. Then a couple days later I stubbed it...again. yep. And because I have an incredibly short term memory I forgot about it...again.

In the next few weeks every morning when I woke up I would limp to the bathroom. I never connected the two. My toe hurt all the time when I moved it. I walked about 3-5 sometimes more miles a day wondering why my foot hurt? I biked up to 10 miles and tried to peddle with the back of my right foot instead of the ball of my foot because it hurt. As school started I tried running the track but would have to stop due to the dull constant pain in my toe of my right foot.

Finally I realized, "Hey, maybe that time I hit my foot I broke my toe?" Well, everyone knows there's nothing you can do for a broken toe so I waited and decided I would walk but not run. I quit biking and decided I better let it heal. I even told my dr. husband who thinks I have an ailment every second of my life and isn't the least amused at any of them, "You know, I think I broke my foot!?" He humored me as he always does, but I don't think he, as usual, believed me one bit.

Finally, the pain progressed to hurting when walking, standing still, laying down, so I got a recommendation to an ortho dr. Nearly every friend we know is a dr or married to one so that was the easy part. The first thing they did was take an X-Ray.

As I hobbled in the office and waited Dr. Yu came in and said, "No wonder your foot's broken!" Two months after that moment by the pool. You have no idea how relieved I was to hear that. Just to know and have another professional NOT think I am crazy.

So he put me in a post op boot to see if with proper rest it would heal. I was banned from my long daily walks, gorgeous hikes, biking, and especially running or like a crazy person attempting a Zumba class while it was broken again for the next two months. But at least there was hope and resolution in sight.

You know what is worse than having pain? Having pain and having someone patronize you for it or make you feel it's all in your head.

So I wore the boot and it did feel better in the boot but never healed.

The follow up appointment I was ready. We had a plan. If after 6-8 weeks it didn't heal, then Dr. Yu would do surgery over the holidays. This was the only time before summer that I could go weeks without driving since I am a chauffeur to an 8 and 12 year old at least two hours a day 7 days a week.

I scheduled the appointment and was looking forward to getting fixed because as the dr. warned me, quitting all my outdoor activities already had me in the early stages of being depressed.

I got to my appointment and the front desk said I was going to see the dr's assistant. I asked why, they said, "Maybe he was double booked?" I said, "but I made the appointment over 6 weeks ago." They said, "well you could reschedule." I said, "I took off the only day I work this week off because this was all that was available 6 weeks ago." So I go downstairs to have a follow up with a doctor that hasn't seen me before, and I am not happy about it. And in general not happy with anything after hobbling around for two months in this post op shoe.

After I take a second X-Ray as I'm waiting in the holding cell, oops! I mean dr's office, I can hear the nurse and a dr. outside my door discussing the latest movies.

Nurse-have you seen the last Hunger Games?

Dr.-Ya, my kids wanted to watch it.

Dr.-Who's that girl that plays in those?

Nurse-Jennifer Lawrence

Dr-Yeah! Jennifer Lawrence-She's fiiiiiiine.

Me- (in my head-please don't let that be my dr, please don't let that be my dr.)

In walks that doctor. The one that thinks Jennifer Lawrence is so fine.

He plops down and says nonchalantly, "All our computers are down. What are you here for?"

Me-oh God please help me hold it together. And thinking, is there nothing in my chart?

I take a deep breath and look down at the empty blank white paper he is about to write on. Call me crazy, but I expected more out of a follow up appointment that I waited 6 weeks for and took the one day a week that I work off for. I just went away in my head and imagined me showing up to teach a class and knew none of the students, had no lesson plans, nothing. Just plopped down and said, what do you want to learn today? With the students inside waiting on me while I stood outside talking about Magic Mike! Maybe my temper isn't what it used to be and let's face it my mom could tell you I had a very explosive temper as a child.

I said very shortly, I have a broken sesamoid. I was here to find out about surgery if it's still broken. Apparently, I wasn't chipper enough because then the dr says, "Well I can't help it Dr. Yu called in sick today and the computers are down." Oh, finally I get some explanation of why I am seeing this person.

I asked if I could just see the second X-Ray, and he says oh sure. He steps outside the door and says, are the computers still down? Then walks in one second later and says, "It's still broken." But I do not see the x-ray.

He then talks to me and says, I can't believe he said he wanted to remove your sesamoid, That's a really big deal. He feels my foot which still hurts and then looks right at me and says, "Well, what do you want to do?"

At this point I am livid. THAT'S WHAT I WAS HERE FOR THE DR TO TELL ME. I politely pick up my purse and walk out. He says behind me, "I'll call your dr. and see what he wants to do." Interestingly enough after paying $20 for my medical records and reviewing them the first appointment I was described as a pleasant lady with normal mood. The last appointment I was described as a somewhat frustrated woman. Hmph! Ya think!

After no return call a couple of days later my husband called. We scheduled surgery. It went well. He removed the sesamoid completely and moved a tendon over for support. Flip forward to Christmas morning which is 2 days post op and a blur.

I am green literally from pain meds and on crutches. My kids get up at 4 AM and find presents from Santa on the fireplace and open their stockings.

Then we make them go back to bed. Around 7 AM they are up again, and I hobble to the office where I open my gifts a camera that belonged to my husband which he wrapped and regifted to me. A pair of work out pants that my kids got me which are the exact same ones they got me last year and a workout jacket.

Oh I had forgotten and that Lady Nutcracker which was packed up with the Christmas decor the next day!

The next days are in bed. No more pain meds after day 2. Like the frog says, "It isn't easy being green."

But over all I am back to normal. I started driving again yesterday, and although it was painful I thoroughly enjoyed picking the kids up and bringing them their pick up from school first day after the holidays surprises.

They fought over who got to tell me their stories.

I attempted to go to the mall while they were at school yesterday. I was dying to get out of the house, but after walking around this was me after a short while:

I learned a valuable lesson through all of this and this is to appreciate the love of girlfriends. Who took me to the hospital. Who brought me food, sent me flowers, and made such good company in person and over the phone.

Today I am feeling more and more like myself. I braided my braids and pinned them up in my Downton Abbey Little House On the Prairie Happy Hair and applied a little Revlon Unapologetic Sans Remords Colorblast lipbalm.

And I have discovered something that really makes me happy. Something that saves me time and driving. Shipt!

You don't save money but you do save time and energy and effort which frees you to do whatever you want! Which is better than money right? Anyway who doesn't want someone ringing their doorbell with all the groceries you want at your door!

SO meanwhile this is great because it gives me more time to heal! And this year's new year's resolution is simple-Heal.