I got to know this student when he was in 2nd grade. I did after school tutoring and he was in my tutoring group from 3:00-5:30pm 3 days a week. Whew, that was a long year! Then this student was in my daughter's class in 3rd grade. I begged for this child to be in my class. My best friend had his sibling the year before so she did too. We both couldn't wait to make a difference, or at least try, in this child's life for one school year.
Well, I won! I got the student :) For me it was that moment like, "We got Annie!" We had a great year. Of course I'm not magic so there were some bumps. We will call this student T. T and I formed a bond immediately because we had already been working on it since 2nd grade. Not far into the year T asked to move his desk next to mine. I said of course. He did great in that seat and stayed there all year long. We had our moments. He would say, "I hate this class! Or I hate you!" I didn't get angry one bit. My own child told me once, "I can take out my anger on you because you are my favorite, and I know you will love me anyway." I knew to T I was that safe place. The kind where you know you will receive mercy and grace. I even told him one day, "I used to say that to my mom. I said it because I knew of all the people in the world she would forgive me and love me anyway. She was my safe place to be angry." He agreed with me. When he had temper outbursts, I told him of the horrible temper tantrums I had as a child and told him, "And look how patient I am now??" He looked up at me and nodded in agreement as if to think, "You are pretty patient."
Toward the end of the year my students were asking if I'd be back the next year. It was time I told them I wasn't. I just said to them, "I decided to take time off so I could follow T and some of you around middle school next year!"
They laughed, but I meant it. I have spent thousands of hours with kids only to send them off and never see them again. I parented them and taught about kindness, character, reading, math, life, and forgiveness then sent them away. It is a painful thing for me because I love them. I truly do like my own kids.
Many students contact me, meet me each summer, email me, write letters, Facebook me, find me on instagram, and some just fade away into adulthood. My first class of students are in the age of marriage and children now.
I didn't just say that though, I meant it. Part of the reason I wanted to take time off this year was because I was tired of pouring my heart and soul into certain kids and then sending them off into the oblivion.
At the beginning of school T asked a friend of mine who works in the school system and went with another child to middle school, "When is Mrs. P coming to see me?" This was in August. The very next day I was there! That was all it took for us to pick back up as teacher and student. I spoke to the principal that day and we made a plan for me to come every Monday and Wednesday and pull T to work on reading and Math and what ever else he needed. I would come early in the week so he could get a good start to his week and in the middle to maintain the momentum. I come as soon as school starts to try to help him get a good start to his day. I have so enjoyed tutoring this child this year!
Have you ever been watching a football game and the underdog team is coming up closing in the gap in the score and there is this excitement and anticipation-rooting for the team to win? That's what I feel every Monday and Wednesday when I leave the middle school. I pray for this child. I am invested in this child. I wish I had more to give. It comes with great intrinsic reward but also such responsibility on my part. Once you have earned the trust of a child especially one that just does not give their trust sparingly, I feel so compelled to not fail T.
Last year we read one on one at the start of every day and in spurts throughout the day. We read books he wouldn't have dreamed of reading on his own. We always followed the same format He read a whole page-I read a whole page and did so for hundreds of pages. We have been working on a chapter book this year but there is one we never finished from the end of last year called Hugo Cabret. It was the second book we had read by this same author. Today he checked it out so we could finish it.
When I spoke to his teacher after we read and worked today she mentioned that last week when my kids were on fall break and I couldn't come T was very down and grumpy. She asked him if he was upset because I had sent the message I couldn't come that week. He didn't say much but she said that she thought that was probably it.
I left the school today after her telling me that thinking, "I matter. I matter to someone greatly." What a feeling for someone to make you feel. Of course then the next thought was of the great responsibility I feel to someone when I know I matter to them.
When I start back to work I will get out an hour before the middle school and will be able to tutor at the end of the day the last half of the year. I thought today, "I wonder when he will outgrow his 4th grade teacher?"
I have dreams for him. I pray I attend his high school graduation. I went in search today after tutoring for the book Gifted Hands, by and about the life of Ben Carson. That will be the next book we read. I want him to understand he is not defined by what he can't do but what he can!
It's good to have fans in the world. It feels even better to be a fan- getting to cheer T on!
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