Tuesday, September 16, 2014

Frustrated Mom

When we moms can't control variables that negatively affect our kids we get.....frustrated.

My son's hearing aid strangely started making this shhhhhhh loud white noise on Friday. We have dealt with hearing aids and had extremely positive experiences for 7 years now. But when there is a problem with them it can be very frustrating to me-the mom.

There is nothing worse for a mom than when your child is sick, hurt, or in need of something you can't provide. I provide normal hearing to him with these hearing aids. When they are not functional I get frustrated to say the least. The noise went away then started again yesterday on the way home from a loooooong appointment to get his ears checked up! We stopped by the hearing center where we purchased them and guess what? They weren't making the noise. Then as soon as we drove away....they were. Anyway they offered us a "loner aid" so we could send in the one that was malfunctioning.

I was hesitant for one reason....W's aid is Caribbean pirate blue (his choice). I knew they weren't going to have a "loner" in that shade. We have been very lucky that wherever W was in school the kids have always known me, his sister, and him very well. Kids have always been kind to W about his hearing aids. They do ask a lot of questions-what is that? Why do you wear those? Can you hear without them? But always kind. I pray this is ALWAYS the case. I can't even bear to think otherwise. My heart can't take that thought.

Anyway, I went in this morning to get the loner aid so we could indeed mail off his to get it fixed. I'm already frustrated because we never had this issue in 7 years with the others that lasted 3 years each without many problems and these are only 6 months old, but now the thought of "mismatched aids" are on my mind and not sitting well with my mommy soul.

I get there and sure enough this is what they want W to wear the next few days.



I tell myself-do not be emotional do not be emotional.

I ask, "Didn't you say these two different brands have distinctively different sounds? What are your thoughts on him wearing two different models? Do you think it would be better to have 2 of the same?"

That's basically all it took. She went and got the pair to the loner. He borrowed these before when his old ones went kaput and we bought the new ones so I knew they had 2. It was still programmed with his settings.

Let me be very clear-we are grateful they loaned us spares and I am in no way criticizing the audiologists but......I have dealt with many many audiologists and medical professionals in the hearing world. They don't always see the whole picture AKA the whole child. They look at frequency charts on the computer. They program hearing aids. They think in terms of functionality.

They don't take in consideration that your son who already has grown self conscious about wearing hearing aids and doesn't want to will be walking around wearing two hearing aids that look different and have slightly different sounds that they produce. They just don't. It's not in their job description.

But it is in mine. I am his advocate. I listen to him. I defend him and his needs. Not his hearing needs-All his needs. Physical, social, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual. And while some may insist the physical needs come first and foremost....I don't. I find them all equally important.

So I went to school with the two matching loner hearing aids and switch them out in the office. He is fooling around figuring out how to adjust them, turn them on and off and change the battery. He wasn't thrilled to be wearing them as he is attached to his own by now and mentioned, "But these are bigger than mine." I explain they are the color of his hair and his hair covers them anyway so don't worry. He is situated and skips off in a hurry not phased that much.

I on the other hand feel drained. Emotionally drained. Yes I have a good cry in the car. I tell myself do not go back to the place of asking the unknowns-why? How did this happen in the first place? I remind myself it doesn't help in the moving forward.

Moments like this I try not to go to the moments that playback to me hauntingly. The time my obgyn commented what a routine perfect pregnancy I had-how everything was "textbook" as he stated. I remind myself how "easy" most days are when wearing hearing aids is like putting on shoes no biggy. I acknowledge our hearing issue is so little compared to what some parents and children are dealing with. I remind myself how lucky we are to have medical resources that have helped him be so successful with so little delays at all-the resources of speech, language, medical insurance. The list goes on.

But you know what? For me, the mom, it's still hard. For me, it will always be an emotional trigger. That's just the way I love him.


When something is not going quite right for one of my kids it's more like something is not quite right with my arm, or leg, or organ in my body. Even though I don't carry them inside of me anymore...I sort of still do. So that's why I can be overreactive, overprotective, over emotional. When moms get frustrated, they are really hurting because their child hurts. And even when your child forgets what may have been ailing them or can be distracted from it, it lingers on the mom's mind-frustrating her emotionally, spiritually, intellectually.

So All I can do is put the situation in God's hands. And I can cook W's favorite meal crawfish fettuccini and bring it to him for lunch :)





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