Because I Want To.

The past few weeks have been insane. We have juggled getting up early again with starting new schools at 2 different locations with 2 orientations, a social and sock wars night that ended at 10 PM, 2 meet the teacher nights, a school-wide dinner to kick off the year, stopped by dad's office before a family night of bowling on a Monday no less, and getting back into the swing of homework.

I have loved it-truly. It has worn me out, but I have loved it. I have had one appointment with an insurance agent, 2 orthodontist appointments, was able to put in about 6 hours volunteering in the book room this week at Warner's elementary school which was so sweet because I know teachers' book rooms so well that I felt totally at home! It allowed me to be in the school with Warner, meet many of the teachers that work there, and even stop by his room to get a hug while picking up more books to take home and work on leveling and stickering for his teacher. Yes I am still taking work home....without having a job. Funny how that happens, but it's good for me. I wouldn't want it any other way.

I have realized all I thought about being able to keep the house tidy and laundry up to date was a farce. But I was bound and determine, so the first full day of school I came home walked the dog and mowed the front and back yard....with a push mower. It was exhilarating to be mowing at 9AM in the morning and it was 65 degrees out. Pure euphoria. I cleaned the house and did laundry.

Then this week I realized I was booked Monday all day and night through Tuesday so if I wanted a clean house it was now or never. I was so tired but thought cleaning the house would be a gift to myself because I really love the feel of a clean house. So at 7:45 Sunday night I moved to mommy tornado mode. I vacuumed the downstairs and upstairs, unloaded then reloaded the dishwasher, scrubbed down the cabinets, folded the clothes in the dryer put in another load. Straightened the bathrooms and cleaned the mirrors. I went to bed with clothes in the washer so at 2 AM woke up and folded the clothes in the dryer and moved the clothes in the washer. It was a gift to myself....but not the rest of the family. The only thing folding towels at 2 AM does is make a mom grumpy the next day or days. Even if it is self inflicted.

Monday came and I was right-I was relieved to get home to a clean house although being there for 5 minutes made it less clean. But I was also very tired. Tuesday came and I was losing steam. Especially when I had to drag the kids back to the middle school for a meet the teacher night that went until about 8 o'clock. So this is what I've learned-Model homes are models because NO ONE LIVES IN THEM. So unless I move us out this home will always be a bit messy.

Here's the deal though. I realized on Tuesday that I had a choice for today. Something I never got while I was working. I could choose to volunteer again in the book room because there was still much to be done, clean the house all day (also much to be done), do the laundry, or take the day off.

Paul brought the kids to school so I was able to meander downstairs and make them french toast and bacon this morning in my nightgown. I got them all packed up and saw them off. Then I went BACK TO BED. I made my choice and stand by it! I was so tired I slept like a rock until 11. I woke up and felt like I had been in a coma-a mowing, house cleaning, road running, back to school, 20 mile bike ride, sore behind from bowling coma. I didn't do a productive thing all day. I stayed in my night gown and looked through old family pictures until it was time to pick up the kids.....all because I wanted to.

Then I threw on my red "dotted" bathing suit (as Warner explains this is what he would have me wear each day as a "fun" mom should) and a cover up, filled a cooler with ice and popsicles, then grabbed towels and the kids' bathing suits and went to pick them up. Because it IS still summer technically.

I left with sunscreen on my face and not a stitch of make up. Funny enough in car line I looked around and guess what? The mom next to me also had not a stitch of make up, so maybe I'm getting the hang of this thing called stay at home mom hood or something like that. However she did not have on a red "dotted" bathing suit so oh well, I still march to the beat of my own SAHM drum. So be it!

I am so grateful that I have had the peace of mind each day to pick up the kids with a smile. Today I was able to pick them up and planned to take them swimming, but it rained. But it's ok because we can try again on Friday! I have the peace of mind each night to be calm and look through Warner's agenda and check over his homework carefully. I mean look what he did on this sheet:

See what he did there :) I had to giggle at his thought process. Hmmmm which one do I think they are ?

I had to show M. She giggled at his mistake and said, "Well, Sonny is his brother?!" Haha W stuck to his convictions and made the choice not to categorize dog and cat as objects. Too cute.

I love that I can focus on the tiny details. That although time is moving at warp speed I can take a moment to be completely aware of what's going on with my sweet kids. That I can appreciate them. That I can actually make choices! That I can schedule orthodontist appointments, or take care of my sick child, or volunteer, or exercise, or MOW in the middle of the morning or just do whatever because I WANT TO!