To Blog or Not to Blog...that is the Question

Today is one of those days when I have to tell myself write it in your journal....do not blog it! That would be because there are days that are full of highs and days that are full of lows for no reason at all. I know really there are reasons for everything....Even though we don't know what they are. I can hardly believe that it was only 10 months ago that I had my female insides ripped out and am thinking my .05 dosage of hormones isn't the correct amount! Anyhoo, back to the topic at hand.

On the low days I have to remind myself-do not put it all out there! Isn't that funny how we have evolved with social media. It's not that I want to appear perfect. I am too imperfect for that. It's that when I go back and browse my own social media I like to focus on the feel good times.

Truth is school is starting back.

I cannot contain what a loss it is for me to not be doing that like so many other teachers this year. I have done it every August since I was 22 years old. Usually on the first day back I would be seeing familiar little faces that I recognize but don't know yet by name. Faces of brothers and sisters that were in my class before. Faces I have seen roaming the halls and smiling at me. The day is usually welcomed with a perfect classroom with neatly cursive printed name tags. Lots of hugs and lots of, "I'm so glad I got you as my teacher!"

I knew this would be a problem. I knew the amount of love, support, praise, and affection I got from my job each day from students, parents, and friends that I worked with was unnatural. I pondered what a day would be like without getting little handmade colored pictures that read, "You're the best teacher ever!" would be like.

Well I know now. It is like you have woken up and have suddenly lost your super power.

That's what it is like.

I'm not complaining. I know many moms would kill to be able to focus only on their children. And it was a choice I made for myself. If I hadn't I would be up a creek this week without a paddle trying to find childcare... But none the less, this is what it feels like to me.

I was able to relax all summer and indulge in my children and their back to school plans so I guess it's only fair to take the highs with the lows. And I have the freedom to go back and teach whenever I choose despite the cons of the current government run school systems. Honestly, who knows if that will ever happen. The only things I miss are my amazing students and wonderful parents. Unfortunately the rest I am glad to be rid of.

With every change comes times of uncertainty....

Meanwhile while I'm in the pits I witness my dog rolling around in the grass probably in rabbit poop (his favorite thing to roll around in) I usually yell, "Sonny! Stop that." But this time I heard my dad's voice say, "That's like telling a dog not to be a dog?" and I thought to myself, Who am I to take his joy?.... If I could get that much joy from rolling around in rabbit poop right now I would too. So here he is.

ps...He smells like rabbit..... Stuff so now am I will be bathing him so I hope it was worth it.